Misadventures Of Making Mom Friends
“I see you have created a tiny human, I, too, have done this.”
- Me, trying to make mom friends
Maybe it’s my dislike of small talk, I like to get straight to it when vetting out potential mom “friends”. They usually don’t. In my perfect world, as long as she drinks wine, I’m pretty sure we can hang and find something to talk about. If she doesn’t, I think our conversation will end up with me asking why not and that wouldn’t turn out well, been there, done that.
What do you prefer to have in your cup while you are talking shit about the little people in your house, sparkling cider? Tuh. From my experience, an overly poured glass of Apothic Red creates the perfect ambiance for that “talking shit” setting. Nonetheless, my chances in getting to ask that important question is pretty low, considering I barely make it pass the introduction part.
So how the hell should I make friends. Sis is an introvert, sis thinks all people are serial killers, sis is awkward AF, sis is me. This inquiring weird mind still wants to know if there is hope out there for a mom like me.
In my head, I create these scenarios of meeting friends while out with my kids. I have a goal set to exchange numbers, set a play date, actually remember the moms name and especially the kids. The pressure of it all kills the excitement. The overthinking of how things should flow causes me to cancel the outing altogether.
“I don’t usually plan to go out to meet other moms, but when I do, I cancel” – Ebony M. Beckles.
Unfortunately, that’s my motto (or was; keep reading)
I can never remember anyone’s name, ever. As a mom is introducing herself and her kids, I’m too busy practicing in my head what I should say next. (How about my name, mcdumbass) So here I am referring to the kids as lil mama or lil man and if she’s questioning why, she has every right. Yes ma’am, I didn’t hear a word you said. Let’s start over. At this point she’s caught on to my lack of paying attention and out the door she goes.
The first month of moving to Boston, the toddler and I had extreme cabin fever. He wasn’t enrolled in school yet and we were literally home driving each other fucking crazy. I discovered “indoor playscapes”, which is indoor playgrounds, genius idea I might add. I found the closest one packed up the squad and we were in there. As I’m taking off my kid’s shoes, there’s a group of about six moms socializing. Their kids were running free, two little girls were licking the mirror and a group of boys were literally licking the ball pit balls and passing them around. One might say, they were building up a strong immunity. I might say, hell to the no! The introvert and the germophobe in me was ready to run up outta there. In the midst of considering if this place was for us…
“Hey, this your first time?” a mom shouted across the swing set to me.
“Yup”, I said not wanting to turn this into a convo.
I wasn’t ready for this momversation. The germs, the constant making sure my kid didn’t put anything on or near his face, knowing that deep down me and this mom couldn’t be friends because she lets her son put balls in his mouth at a public space, the anxiety of it all was kicking my ass. Twenty-five minutes in, we left.
I didn’t get a mom’s name, exchange numbers, none of it. Another adventure, no mom friends.
I know, it’s my fault and I’m sick of my own shit.
I’ve had piss poor attempts at the playscape, little gym classes and even the library. I’ve been in my own way and it’s messing with my sanity. Being away from my hometown, my family and my friends, having a mom friend in my neighborhood would be ideal. All moms need them, especially stay at home moms. We often feel isolated. We need someone who understands why we didn’t sleep at night, why somedays our husband is the only adult we’ve communicated with, and why we often feel defeated and unproductive. We need mom friends to stay TF sane.
I’m on a journey to be better, to be open. This week’s highlight was joining in on a virtual hangout session with four other moms and their kids for story time. I was invited by a mom from my sons’ school whom I met during open house. Our first interaction was so easy, we exchanged numbers almost immediately. Typical me, I almost backed out twice, but I had already told him about it, and he was excited. His excitement made me realize that it’s not just healthy for me but for him too. We both need that interaction especially during this quarantine.
If you’re a a mama like me, I can tell you what my first step was.
#1 Getting the fuck out of my head. (Everything after that point pretty much has been flowing)
If it wasn’t for this lockdown, I’d probably be on a mommy play date right now and yes, she drinks wine and enjoys an edible every now and then.
For all those feeling discouraged, “don’t”,
There’s HOPE.