I must admit now that I'm a mom I've realized a couple of different things about myself. My anxiety levels are extremely high and I'm super clingy when it comes to my husband and especially Cameron. I always feel guilty when I am doing things that don't involve them. I drive to work everyday and on the way I'm thinking of all the things we could be doing with this time. Museums, the zoo, a picnic or just quality time watching a movie. Ten hours of my day is spent driving and working on someone else's dream, so I like to spend my time with those I know appreciate it the most.

Whenever I do get free time, I want to give it all to my guys, which is a bit much I know. I'm not the friend that gets excited when invited out. Don't get me wrong, I genuinely love all of my friends, but I actually get really stressed. I think of who the heck is going to watch my baby, what is Paul going to do, is Cam going to miss me or let alone behave, eat and sleep the way he's supposed to, will he put anything in his mouth and every little thing that could possibly go wrong, is he going to do it? Seriously, being a mom is DOPE but it comes with a lot of stress!

So, I get invited to a girls night in NY for my best friends birthday. I mentally prepared myself because I was going to be in another state away from my baby for the first time ever. I had somewhat a relief because Cammy would be with his dad. Still, I'm so used to spending endless amounts of time with my kid, and waking up not seeing him was not sitting well with me. My brain was telling me to decline while my heart was saying "GO! You need a night out, a break from mommy hood."

I accepted the invite and had small pep talks with myself the week of and I'd like to think that helped me a little bit. The way our schedule is set up right now, the household is a bit crazy. Having a husband that works in another state puts a lot of responsibility on me. My days & nights are long and my mornings start very early. A night out is needed for sure! Getting dolled up and hanging out with your girls for some adult time and conversation is necessary and this would help us mommies have some balance and not go insane. However, I do feel bad. Not that I'm not deserving of this fun! It's just I don't want to leave my baby.

The ENTIRE time I was out, my mind constantly went back to, "I wonder what my baby is doing". I'm either legit crazy or I am just dealing with the struggles of being a first time mom. Frequently reminding myself that it's okay, I'm not doing anything wrong. Eventually I'll be comfortable with this but for now, I'll continue to get extreme anxiety when friends invite me out and I'll pass on the overnight trips for now until my little guy is able to call me. I'm praying I will eventually get over this. However, for now, Face time and picture mail will be my best friend when my girls invite me out, so friends if we are out and I'm intensely in my phone, don't bother me, I'm checking on my baby. Please share your advice on how you handle nights out without the lil ones. Mama gotta have a life too, right?

Mama gotta have a life TOO!